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Everything Everywhere all at Once is possibly the closest to perfection I have ever seen.
It’s a film of many genres, ambitious in its story, has some fluid and beautiful visuals, and an emotionally charged, harrowing yet beautiful tale of a mother, daughter, and an immigrant, Evelyn.
I remember for the first 30 minutes I was watching I was having a good time but not quite understanding the big reason why everyone loved this film. There was a high-stakes “multi-versal” situation and fun family dynamics but nothing stood out.
However, once the film started getting into Evelyn and Joy’s relationship, suddenly I became enthralled by it. Watching Evelyn and Joy’s relationship play out from their conversations to each other, I felt like I was watching several chapters from my own life. Coming from an immigrant family and having a tough relationship with my mom, EEAAO is the film that showcased so many of my life’s challenges in such a complex, layered and heartbreaking story and made me feel whole.
Watching Evelyn and the thoughts swirling in her about decisions she has taken, and regrets she has had and seeing her other alternative lives, I saw my mother on screen. From seeing Evelyn leaving China to come to America with Waymond to struggling to build a close relationship with Joy, to losing love for Waymond for his weakness of being too kind, to her tough relationship with her father which is where the intergenerational trauma that exists, I was sobbing. Evelyn’s journey was reflective of my own mom’s experiences and the emotions I have seen or heard from her.
Being an immigrant mother is tough because sometimes it feels like the entire world is against you.
You feel responsible for the burden of everyone around you. My mom left her comfortable life in India to come to the US and raise my sister and me for years. She took it upon herself to do as much as she can from biking with me to my Taekwando classes 4 times a week, sacrificing her weekends to work so we could save money for college, to signing me up and paying for different classes so I could grow along with my education. However, she did this all while trying to adjust to a new environment with values and traditions separate from what she was raised and away from her family.
Unfortunately, taking on the stress and burden she did lead to arguments when things didn’t go her way, I made a small mistake or wanted to do something different from her expectations. Her expectations never really played out and looking back I remember her saying she regrets decisions, always asked what if, and wished for things to be better, like Evelyn.
Immigrant mothers often put up such a strong front and build up their emotions to not appear weak and when they do share them it’s usually through yelling. Unfortunately, this means growing up, I didn’t see the pain and sacrifices. I only saw the fights and the anger of my mother which led to our broken relationship, similar to Joy. Looking back now, I can remember moments she was alone when I heard her regret her decisions, asking what if and wishing for things to be better.
More often, immigrant mothers’ challenges and emotions will tend to have the biggest impact on their daughters. I believe mothers often view their daughters as a reflection of themselves and thus burden us. They will have the highest expectations for us vs their sons because it is the environment they grew up in. The difference is that while our moms didn’t question the environment, daughters my age are. We are realizing the toxicity and negative impact of how we were raised and attempting to rebel which leads to a misunderstanding with our moms.
Specifically, in Joy, a lot of her experiences resonated with me. From the comments Evelyn made towards Joy, her struggle to meet Evelyn’s expectations, Evelyn not being there for her when she needed her the most, and more, Joy’s feelings towards Evelyn were valid.
Joy realized that the way Evelyn treated her wasn’t the best and wanted to go away, like me. I empathize with Joy at many points, expressing her emotions and Evelyn struggling to understand. Ultimately I felt whole at the end when Joy and Evelyn came to a mutual understanding. When Evelyn and Joy had their conversation toward the end of the film in the parking lot, I was curled up into a ball sobbing my eyes out.
That particular conversation is key to highlighting one of the film’s biggest lessons, which while cliche, is: communication is key!
Communication is often scarce in immigrant households but necessary to keep them from breaking apart. Our mothers don’t often talk because they think it is stronger to put up a front and never appear vulnerable as that is somehow weaker. This is why mental health does not get addressed in immigrant households as often. Strength is praised while weakness is criticized.
However, when communication occurs, things do get better. I have seen it in my household, with my relationship with my mom. But this film goes a layer deeper to show it’s not just about “talking it out”. Anyone can talk, but one must be mentally ready. Being mentally ready requires a layer of self-reflection which we see Evelyn go through as she explores the multiverse.
No one is perfect, right or wrong in this film, but right in our own eyes. We are often so caught up in what we don’t have or what didn’t go right that we lose sight of what is in front of us. Life is not without its challenges that can emotionally take us apart but it’s the people we meet and how they shape us that give us the motivation to persevere.
We cannot take those things for granted. The best thing we can do for each other in conflict is not only to understand ourselves but each other. Evelyn learns this throughout the film which leads to a most beautiful story.
In conclusion, Everything Everything all at Once is true to its title.
This article and discussion of the film feel the same: everything is everywhere all at once. This is a film that will stick with me for a bit as it showcases moments from an immigrant family I am all too familiar with in a complex, messy but dynamic and heartfelt story. Everything Everywhere all at Once is one film to watch!
